I’m a Lost Hick…

I’m a southerner.

I was born and raised in North Carolina in the eighties to parents who were born and raised in New Jersey, then moved to NC by way of Vermont. No one I’m related to fought in the civil war. Far from it. My descendents were Russian Jews who immigrated to New York near the turn of the century to escape persecution. I don’t have an accent, I don’t own a boat, I don’t live in a trailer, I have all my teeth, I don’t eat catfish unless it’s fresh, all of my shirts have sleeves on them and I have a Liberal Arts education. I’m the absolute antithesis of what most of the world considers a “hick”.

Except, I love country music. I eat grits. I love hush-puppies. I’d eat almost anything if it were deep fried. I LOVE BBQ. And not just BBQ chicken, I mean Pork! I love my banjo. I love sweet tea. I love hot days, cool shade and thick, red clay. I grew up listening to Blues music and eventually became a professional musician and played four nights a week at a Blues club in Savannah, GA to make ends meet (It wasn’t one of those hokey, all-white blues bands either!). I love college basketball and the UNC Tarheels. I think cicadas are loud but not noise. I could list other random qualifying facts from my life, but the fact is, it’s irrelevant because even if none of these things were true about me, I was raised in the south and my experience there in my most formative years will always make me a southerner.

Why write this blog?

I am searching for a connection between the places and people I grew up with in the south, the culture and legacy of my ancestors, and my current life in New England. I’m searching for a reference guide or a manual on how to “fit” into a place where I always feel welcome, even if it’s a place that I sometimes don’t understand.

When people hear that I’m from the south, they always ask me where. I’ll proudly say, North Carolina. Then they ask: “Charlotte?” I reply no, Chapel Hill. Then there’s usually an “ahhh….” framed with a furrowed brow and cocked head; the same look I see lost tourists in NYC give when they are asking for directions.

It’s funny how you can live in the same country as someone and when they ask you where you are from, so many have no idea where you mean because they’ve never been there. I have come to terms with the fact that where I am from is to most people in the North just the sum of all the things they’ve heard about it. I have come to wonder what it means to people up here when I say I’m “from the south”. I know it’s gotta be a bit of a puzzle, because they always seem suspicious that I don’t have an accent, and more than a few have either given me a look or just flat out said; “I don’t believe you”. I can’t help but be certain that part of the reason is because I don’t fit the stereotype they’ve created in their mind of what a southerner should be…

What does it mean to like “Country” music? Who makes the best BBQ? How is southern fried chicken different from just regular fried chicken? What is half-and-half iced tea really all about? What does it mean to be a Jew from the south? What does it meant to be Jewish in the south, then move to the North and be Jewish? How do I reconcile my love for BBQ with my religious heritage? Am I going to hell because I treat the preparation of pork on the grill like a religious ceremony? (I do)

These are only some of the many questions that I and many of my Northern neighbors struggle with in our conversations. For the record, I would say that I am in almost all regards a stable, happy and secure person (whether I’m going to hell for BBQ or not). Like I’m sure is the case with many other transplants from the south, I have adapted, I’m evolving and will continue to grow. I’m a hybrid.

I am using this platform as a means to publicly live my life out loud as a southerner, while in real-life, perhaps I’m carrying a secret that can’t be told to anyone. If you asked me what it is to be a southerner, I honestly don’t think that I or anyone else could tell you. You have to live in the south to know the south. You have to meet and love the people. You have to have been an active participant (willing or otherwise) and for some, like me, you may even have to leave the south to know it better.

I hope that other southerners living in the north will feel free to join the conversation. I hope that northerners will also provide their thoughts and honest insight on what it means to them to be from the North.